Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about my life. How I make choices and why I’m so afraid to try something new sometimes. I realised that I often act from being scared. Being scared of what others will think of me. Being scared not to succeed. When I wanted to start writing, I assumed that no one would want me to write, nobody would be interested in what I had to say. Because I had a severe burnout I still needed to write about my insanity and started a blog. I soon found that it was read. A lot. And people –even complete strangers- could relate, complimented me and kept visiting my blog. It was amazing and gave me the strength to write more. I’m now at a point that I’m no longer afraid to tell someone that I’m a writer. It got me thinking. If I had let my initial thoughts rule my actions, I would have never started to write. I would have never gotten published and I would have never received all those compliments. I would have been miserable. When 2013 came to an end I wanted to set myself a goal for 2014 and I soon realised I have only one goal; do what I like. That will make me happy, thus making me a better mom, wife and friend. Seems like a simple goal. Not for me though.
After years of doing what others expected me to do, it’s kind of very hard for me to choose what makes me happy. More often than I would like, I’m driven by fear. Fear of failing, fear of what others will think of me. This year I’ve decided to not let fear take the better of me. Every time I find myself thinking ‘Oh, I could never do that’ or ‘I can’t do that, they will think I’m crazy’, I’m just going to do it anyway! It won’t be easy, I’m sure of that but I’m really going to try.
Yesterday was my first conquest. Nearly every day I ride my bike (I live in Holland) a long a beautiful house. It’s really gorgeous and on the first floor they have the most amazing laundry room ever. From the street I can see how organized it is, beautifully laid-out and color coordinated. Every day I feel blessed to be able to enjoy that beautiful home, even if it’s just for a moment. Yesterday I suddenly realised that the people who actually live there, will never know how happy their house is making me and I got a little sad. While riding my bike, I fantasised about writing them a card telling them how happy they make me, just with their house. I laughed a little and heard myself say ‘don’t be silly, they will think you are crazy’.
So when I came home, I wrote them a card and put it in their mailbox that afternoon. It made me so happy! I wasn’t sure how they would take it, maybe they would really think I was crazy but it didn’t matter, I wanted to share my happiness with them, and I wanted nothing in return. It was the best feeling ever.
This morning I drove by the house as I usually do and guess what…they had hung a paper on the window of the room on the first floor, thanking me for the card! I had the biggest smile ever and now I know for sure; don’t be afraid, just spread the joy, the other people might just surprise you!